2008 Review And Beyond

I went a walk around today on the last day of 2008; freezing I know but interesting.

Lincoln Road Play Area: there were one or two lads playing football on the Lincoln Road Play Area and Kickwall. So far this has been a great success. On the downside the amount of litter in the snicket leading to the Play Area is a constant source of frustration for residents. The litter is thrown by both Kids an Adults.

Holdinghm Roundabout Development: This is moving ahead as the photo shows. However the ramification could be dire unless properly planned - which it wasn't in the early planning stages.

This development has many implications for road traffic; use of facilities; transort; schooling and links to Leasingha. The traffic entering Holdingham, from the A15 and A17, is high and needs reducing - so other developments in Town will have major implications for Holdingham as well. The proposed move of the Tesco site, and any developments near the Town Centre, are important.

Other Issues:

Bowls Club: I am still not sure what is planned here. Any development needs access and the dependence on access, down Peterborough Way and via York Road to the Lincoln Road, needs to change.

Woodside Play Area: a very nice area but seemingly so little used. A bit of a catch 22 situation I know. With only one main access it is also a bit isolated for some. The Sleaford Wood backdrop is very nice.

Other issues is the lack of Refuges to cross the Lincoln Road safely - or speed cameras - or

a gerneral desire to reduce litter (only a small minority I know but it can make an area less attractive). It also costs extra money to clean and that we can do without in these hard times. The Play Area is at least cleaned regularly and the main Highways.

It always seems to be the small roads and alley ways that seem to suffer. So we need a more rapid response and better communication, with the authorities, to make life that bit better and more pleasant.

Let's hope for a pleasant and prosperous 2009.

Football Night for budding Beckhams'

I went down to the Northgate Sports Hall, and outdoor pitches, yesterday evening and was very pleased to see so many young people (mainly lads but some girls) from the Sleaford Youth Centre, based in Moneys Yard. Many were from Holdingham.

It was freezing cold but nobody seemed to care. The Youth Leader (Kerry Mitchell) and staff were supervising and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. Everyone was very polite. The Youth Centre seem to be going from strength to strength (about 100 attend every week) and it sure makes me wish I was a teenager again.

Tommy Cooper Type Jokes

I thought you might enjoy these jokes but read them as if Tommy Cooper would have said them.


If Tommy Cooper were alive today

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.'
-----------------------

This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.
------------------------

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.'-----------------------

I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'
----------------------------

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. '
Best before End'
---------------------------

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said ‘No, just a watch.'-----------------------------

I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle.' The bloke said 'Kenwood' I said, 'Where is he then?'
--------------------------

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.
------------------------

I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.'

---------------------------I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, its P something T something R
.----------------------------

I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
----------------------------

I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.---------------------------

The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'
--------------------------

I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.' He said, 'No, this is for the custard.
'----------------------

This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, 'I want you to trace someone for me..'
--------------------------

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'
----------------------------

I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!'
--------------------------------

This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says 'Audi!'
--------------------------

I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'
------------------------------

I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said 'I careered off the road'
----------------------

I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.
-------------------------

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts
.------------------------

I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar' I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
---------------------------

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'--------------------------------I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'
--------------------------------

A waiter asks a man, 'May I take your order, sir?' 'Yes,' the man replies. 'I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?' 'Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die.'