Tuesday 29 May 2012

News Headlines to make you laugh

I know that jokes or humour in general gets many views on this Blog. So here goes - as sent to me by ex work colleague!!

 

Here are some genuine New Headlines that turned out to look funny when in print. However one or two may not have seemed funny to some!!!

ACTUAL NEWS HEADLINES FROM AROUND THE WORLD



-PLANE TOO CLOSE TO GROUND, CRASH PROBE TOLD

Surprisingly, this is a common cause of plane crashes.

-SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS

No, really? Ya think?

-DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE

Sounds uncomfortable.

-POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS

Now that's taking things a bit far!

-PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER

Let's hope he can do it!

-SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM

I'm pretty sure there's a law against that.

-MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH

No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

-JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT

If all else fails...

-WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE

I can see where it might have that effect!

-TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS

Probably shouldn't have been standing there.

-IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY, IT MAY LAST A WHILE


Ya think?!

-NEVER WITHHOLD HERPES INFECTION FROM LOVED ONE

Sharing is caring.

-COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES

Who would have thought!

-END TO FREE SCHOOL LOOMS

Long past due in my opinion.

-EYE DROPS OFF SHELF

Poor vision blamed.


-BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLAND ISLANDS

How dare they!?

-REAGAN WINS ON BUDGET, BUT MORE LIES AHEAD

That’s how politics works isn't it?

-RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGES


You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? Oklahoma's new construction program!

-SOVIET VIRGIN LANDS SHORT OF GOAL AGAIN

Well it's not something you should rush. First time should be special right?

-MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING: FACES BATTERY CHARGE

He probably IS the battery charge!

-PROSTITUTES APPEAL TO POPE

He is human after all.

-KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME IN 10 YEARS

Are they going to dig him up...?

-NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP

Weren't they fat enough?!

-IRAQI HEAD SEEKS ARMS

Can't be greedy about these things.

-ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT

That's what he gets for eating those beans!

-FARMER BILL DIES IN HOUSE

Poor Bill.

-TWO SOVIET SHIPS COLLIDE, ONE DIES

Poor little ship.

-KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS

Do they taste like chicken?

-SURVIVOR OF SIAMESE TWINS JOINS PARENTS

Old habits die hard I guess.

-LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

-SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS SHOULD BE BELTED


A bit harsh maybe...

-HOSPITAL SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS


Boy, are they tall!

-STOLEN PAINTING FOUND BY TREE


I didn’t even realise the tree was looking.

-LUNG CANCER IN WOMEN MUSHROOMS

Can you still eat them...?

-TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD

Did I read that right?

-SHOT OFF WOMAN'S LEG HELPS NICKLAUS TO 66

Where do I get one??



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